Posts Tagged ‘bones’

2012: Anorexia – Killing Myself Slowly – Part 3

0 2012: Anorexia   Killing Myself Slowly   Part 3Within this interview I am sharing how I experienced myself in the beginning stages of anorexia.
I am now 12 years old and much has changed in both my external world and also within my internal reality. I have moved away from my abusive father but have I really moved away from abuse at all? I brought the abuse with me and I started to create myself from the starting-point of “I deserve abuse” – I became abuse and everything that it contains. I started to create a desire, want and need to hurt myself physically and I will share why I experienced that within my video.

I will go through the stages of how I slowly but surely stopped eating, what it was that triggered me to lose weight and why I did that to myself, what it was that made me want to hurt myself so badly — to the extent that I would start to cut myself in order to “deal” with my internal pain and anxiety.
I will explain how I experienced myself both physically and mentally and also were my desire to lose weight came from.

I would start to cut down on certain foods but when I “failed” to follow my strict rules I would punish myself, either through extensive exercise, throwing up or cutting myself.
When I am 13 years old I have stopped participating within gymnastics due to anxiety and due to the experience of “not being good enough”. Instead I start to exercise extensively on my own – I wanted to see how far I could push myself and my body. When I would push myself to the utter limit of what is physically possible I would experience a sort of adrenaline-rush and this experience is something that I will become completely addicted to. I will start to do whatever it takes just to be able to experience this again but after a while I will have to push myself harder to be able to experience the adrenaline. This is when I stop to care about anything at all except losing weight. I don’t care about anything or anyone anymore.

This is also a period of time in were I start to create a severe self-hate against myself and my physical body. I would start to hurt myself in all ways possible and I became completely obsessed and addicted to self-abuse. I would do whatever I could just to feel pain.
I’m sharing all the details of what I did to myself just to change my physical appearance and why I wanted to change so badly. I’m also walking through the consequences that came with this — what was the body’s response to this self-abuse? What happens when a person starve him/herself? Find out the real truth in my video, I will also share more details about this subject in my upcoming videos since the consequences is something that I am still facing today.

I’m going through an extensive fear of “being in the way” or taking up space/time/attention from others and because of this fear I decided not to speak to anybody about my experience that I had in regards to myself and my physical body. I fear that others will see me or think that I am being a pain in the so I shut myself off from reality and instead put on a fake smile.
This is where my process of lying and deceiving starts and after a while I will become nothing but a lie. I will start to deceive everybody to the extent in were I almost starts to believe in the lies myself. What is it that makes a person so afraid of telling others the truth about what one is going through/experiencing? What was it that I so badly wanted to hide from others? This is points that I will walk through within this interview.
When I start this lying-process I will experience sooo much loneliness but after a while I will become so used to it that I will never dare to open myself up to anybody for the next 10 years to come.
This is 10 years later and I am now going through the process of exposing who I was/am and my process of re-birthing myself in self-honesty.

If you are interested in how I am walking this process of re-birthing myself with self-honesty and self-forgiveness you can check out my blog;

Duration : 0:23:47

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2012: Anorexia Almost Killed Me – Introduction

0 2012: Anorexia Almost Killed Me   IntroductionThis is my introduction video to my story of anorexia, which will become a series of videos created as a timeline. In this video interview I am shortly covering what it is that I will be walking through and explaining in my upcoming interviews so that you get perspective on what to expect.
I am going to share with you my story of how I grew up, from the age of 6, what it was in my world and my reality that lead me to develop an eating disorder and how I never got free even though I went to several different treatments and rehabilitation-centers. I explain how my eating disorder started and how I experienced myself within that. What can you do as a parent if your child suffers from an eating disorder? And how can you prevent this from ever occurring? Why don’t the treatments work? What does work? How can you stop an eating disorder? Can you be cured from an eating disorder? What helped me?

Through me, sharing my personal story of how I grew up you can get a better perspective on what it is that leads a child to stop eating. I am sharing what an eating disorder actually is and how it can manifest in its most severe forms. What is it that leads a person to starve her/himself?

I will not sugarcoat or glorify what it actually is to suffer from anorexia/bulimia — I will tell you the real brutal truth and all the details, I will share with you what goes on in an anorexics mind, what is the thought-patterns, what is the experiences, why isn’t it simply just to start eating again? Does an eating disorder have anything to do with eating/food at all? Why was it impossible for me to start eating? Are people with eating disorders just spoiled brats? How do the media influence a person with anorexia/bulimia? Is this just a welfare-problem? I will be covering this and so much more in my upcoming videos.

I was unable to stop this on my own — I would have been dead right now I wouldn’t have received the help that I got from Desteni and my agreement-partner. This is not something that a person can do/go through alone — when anorexia/bulimia becomes a complete possession than it will lead the person to slowly killing oneself and therefor major assistance and support is required.

I will dedicate my life to help others in the way that I got help so that we together can stop the self-abuse and self-hate, to finally be able to start directing oneself and start to live for the first time ever.

It’s never too late — I was balancing on a fine line between death and life and just when I was sure I was going to die I actually got help to stop and change. I am still here today and with a lot of help from the participants in the Desteni-group I have now stood up from hell. I will share my story unconditionally and if you require more assistance/support — don’t hesitate to contact me.

In my blog I will share specific self-forgiveness-statements in relation to what it is that I am speaking about in each video interview, so that you can get further support in what tools you can use to stop the thought-patterns, behaviors and memories.
My Blog;


Duration : 0:12:56

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Max Keiser reports on BITCOINs –

0 Max Keiser reports on BITCOINs   bitcoin.orgBitcoin

Duration : 0:13:0

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RT Drug companies responsible for swine flu outbreak

2 RT Drug companies responsible for swine flu outbreakLawsuit Charges Baxter Used Dangerous Ingredients In Vaccines To Increase Profits
Questions remain over company chosen to develop swine flu vaccine

Steve Watson
Thursday, April 30, 2009

A scandal dating from January 2008, that is continuing to unfold, raises more disturbing questions over the safety of U.S. pharmaceutical company Baxter International’s vaccines.

Last year Baxter recalled almost all of its injections of the blood thinning heparin drug in the US after some patients experienced extreme – and in some cases fatal – allergic reactions, after being administered the products.

There were similar recalls by other manufacturers of Chinese-sourced heparin in Denmark, Italy, France Germany and Japan, but initial investigations found that only Baxter’s heparin vaccines were tainted.

The FDA has accused two Chinese manufacturers of being responsible for the production and shipment of the tainted vaccines, suggesting that a cheaper synthetic heparin mimic, subsequently identified as over-sulfated chondroitin sulfate (OSCS), was used to decrease costs.

However, in January 2009 a new lawsuit was filed specifically against Baxter for it’s role in the scandal.

The allegation is that the pharmaceutical giant purposefully altered an ingredient in heparin that flowed through heparin syringes to patients, resulting in pain and suffering, and sometimes death, to those affected, reported legal website Lawyers and Settlements

Somewhat ironically, the natural ingredient in heparin that was substituted in order to cut costs was a substance extracted from cooked swine intestines.

The lawsuit notes that OSCS is not found in nature, and is not approved in the United States. It accuses Baxter of using a more dangerous ingredient to “reap greater profits as a result of utilizing cheap component parts.”

(Article continues below)

As we reported earlier this week, Baxter has been chosen by the WHO to head up efforts to produce a vaccine for the Mexican swine flu that is spreading throughout the U.S. and Europe.

The decision was made despite further revelations last month that vaccines contaminated with deadly live H5N1 avian flu virus were recently distributed to 18 countries by a lab at an Austrian branch of Baxter.

Initially, the company attempted to stonewall questions by invoking trade secrets and refused to reveal how the vaccines were contaminated with H5N1. After increased pressure they then claimed that pure H5N1 batches were sent by accident.

However, as we have highlighted, the probability of mixing a live virus biological weapon with vaccine material by accident is virtually impossible.

Duration : 0:2:39

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Bayer corporation launch medication infected with Hiv

2 Bayer corporation launch medication infected with HivIf you thought this kind of thing was a conspiracy, now you have the proof. Keep your eyes open, they are using us as lab subjects.

What should americans do?

Ask questions, demand answers !!

New World Disorder are coming to get all of these capitalist corporations who try to rule the world.

The well known Bilderbergs (New World Order) are behind the stage of this operations.

R.L. New World Disorder



Duration : 0:3:17

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